Jokes

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Two fellows were sitting next to each other on an airplane. One asks the other, “What do you do for a living?”

The fellow answered, “I’m a pastor.”

The man then said, “I used to go to church, but I don’t any longer.”

The pastor asked, “Why not?”

The man said, “Well, it’s all so elementary. You can sum up church with, ‘Be kind to each other.’ That’s all there is to it.”

The pastor then asked the man what he did for a living.

He said he was an astronomer.

“Oh, yes,” said the pastor. “I was once into astronomy, but no longer.”

The man asked the pastor why he had stopped, and he said, “Well, astronomy is so elementary. I mean you can sum it all up with, ‘Twinkle, twinkle, little star.’”

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Against his father’s wishes, a young man left home for California to make his fortune.

A few weeks later he wrote, “Dear Dad, I know you think I’m going to fail, but I just got a good job in a bank! That should be a feather in my cap.”

Two months later the father received a second letter. “Dear Dad, I bought a restaurant, financed it with a loan from the bank where I work! That’s certainly a feather in my cap.”

A few months later a third letter came, “Dear Dad, I bought a farm to grow vegetables for my restaurant! Another feather in my cap.”

And then a half-year later there came a fourth letter, “Dear Dad, I have lost everything. Send money for a plane ticket home.”

The father wrote back, “Dear Son, given your history of bird-brained ideas, use the feathers in your cap and fly home yourself.”

What a good idea, the son thought! He took the feathers in his cap, used them and many others that he was able to purchase,  to manufacture the little pillows used on airlines, sold his company for a fortune, and flew home to see his dad.

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From a speech by Koffi Annan.

Koffi Annan, who stepped down as Secretary General of the United Nations at the end of 2006, said that he had been exhausted at the end of his term, and so he and his wife decided to get away, be by themselves and recoup. They rented a villa in a rural area of Italy, had the groceries delivered, and literally did not leave it for six months. They did not venture into the nearby town. But then one day they decided that they had had enough isolation. Koffi Annan and his wife walked into town, where it was obvious that the locals recognized him. On street corners and in doorways townspeople were looking his way and whispering to one another. Finally, a fellow came up to him on the street. He said, “I am the mayor. Welcome to our town! We’re so glad you’re here. Our favorite movie is The Shawshank redemption.

( Compari Koffi Annan’s picture with that of Morgan Freeman.)

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A Definitive Health Study:  The Japanese eat little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. What apparently kills us is speaking English.

Classes to help clean your refrigerator.  Refrigerator Forensics 101: Identifying and Removing the Dead (Also known as CSI: Kenmore.) Refrigerator Forensics 201: Accepting Loss: If it’s Empty, You Can Throw It Away. (This course will  raise questions such as, “Why drain the milk container or empty the pizza box only to put the container or the box back in the fridge?”)

Classes to help clear away the clutter of boxes.  Recycling Skills 101: The Boxes That The Electronics Came in. Recycling Skills 201: The Styrofoam That Came In The Boxes That The Electronics Came In.