Readers Ask…

Dear Dewey: Is Punxsutawney Phil any relationship to Doctor Phil?

No, but the tabloids claim that Dr. Phil’s wife, Robin, is divorcing him and getting a groundhog for a pet. Now that Punxsy missed seeing his shadow this past week, we’ll see how that’s working out for them.

Dear Dewey: Today’s cartoonists draw a light bulb above a person’s head to indicate that he/she has had an idea? What did cartoonists draw for ideas prior to Edison’s invention?

Coleman Lanterns, which sometimes caught the person’s hair on fire. The light bulb is definitely better.

Dear Dewey: What if Edison had invented a bathroom scale that works like wind chill?

It would say, “156…But you feel like 181.”

Dear Dewey: My American family and I are presently living in Japan where my husband’s corporation assigned him to work for the next three years. Our son, who has always wanted to be a sumo wrestler, loves his Japanese high school, but his ribs show when he wears a mawashi, or loincloth. He’s only big enough to make the junior varsity team. Any ideas on how he can gain some weight and make the varsity?

Send him back home to his grandparents in America for the summer. Remember, America is the home of the Big Gulp, the Big Mac, and the “Supersize Me.” I see high school kids walking out of Starbucks drinking frappuccinos with an “awesome” number of calories. (Venti is Italian for Sumo Size.) As a matter of fact, I am wondering when American high schools are going to start sumo wrestling teams. Many of our kids can already take the teenage sumos of Japan.

Dear Dewey: I am a single woman and tired of men coming up to me and asking me, “What’s your sign?” What can I do?

Tell them it’s a “Do Not Disturb” sign.

Dear Dewey: How many spare peg legs does a pirate have?

I’m not sure, but I would imagine female pirates have more than male pirates. Also, that pirates no longer need one to walk the plank. In their yoga classes, they do the plank.

Dear Dewey: Why do most obituaries say, “She passed away” instead of “She died?”

Good question. Whenever I see such an obituary, I sometimes think of something like “slipped away.” She slipped away for a smoke or slipped away to go down the road for lunch and never came back. I think it’s unhelpful because “passed away” in no way approximates the magnitude of the mourners’ loss, whereas “died” does. This person has died. It’s a big loss. Much more than just gone around the corner. The Apostles’ Creed does not say of Jesus, “he was crucified, passed away, and buried…” In the New Testament are we told that Christ died and was raised from the dead, not raised from “the passed away.”

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