I never have been much for taking surveys, nor for spending much time with the ones I do take. But then a few months ago I stopped in at the Wendy’s up the road. The person who took my order handed me a foot-long receipt with “Take The Survey” printed right in the middle. “Two For The Price Of One!”
Sure, I thought, two senior sodas for the price of one. (Senior sodas are free at Wendy’s.) But then I read the offer. If I’d go online and fill out the survey – Wendy’s wants to know how it’s doing – I could get two Dave’s Single Hamburgers or two Grilled Chicken Sandwiches for the price of one. I quickly surveyed my gastronomical sensibilities and went online. I took a survey for the first time in a long time. Since then, I’ve turned into a Senior Citizen Surveyor! What I pay is around $2.50 for a decent hamburger, or $2.00 for a decent chicken sandwich. I can’t stop myself! I keep the extras in the fridge or freezer at home.
When I was in college, a nearby Lot-a-Burger had a special on Mondays, five Lot-a-Burgers for a dollar. I’d eat a couple and freeze the rest for use later that week. Beat the heck out of ramen noodles. Twenty cents for a really big burger in those days, though, does make me sick compared to today’s prices.
I can’t stop myself from taking this survey. Buy one, get two. Buy one, get two. This is so different from how I live the rest of my life, which is one step forward, two steps back, one step forward, two steps back. I’m thinking about having a big party on July 4th. No grilling over a flame under the hot sun for me. I’m simply going to unthaw my freezer full of hamburgers and chicken sandwiches, throw in some additional condiments, and Voila! Deweywantstoknow.com!
The first thing that Wendy’s wants to know is which of their restaurant’s I dined at. This is quick and easy because the number is on the foot-long receipt. So is the time when I placed my order. But then they get down to the hard questions, like, “Rate your overall satisfaction with your experience at this Wendys.”
This is a trick question for those of us who like to finish a survey A.S.A.P. No matter what I pick – the options are Highly Satisfied, Satisfied, Neither Satisfied nor Dissatisfied, Dissatisfied, and Highly Dissatisfied – a screen will sooner or later pop up, saying, “Tell is in 10,000 Words or Less Why You Weren’t Highly Satisfied?” This because I picked Satisfied, which you think they’d be Satisfied with.
In the mean time I have to rate my satisfaction with speed of service (Not bad), friendliness of staff (Much better than at the Motor Vehicle Department), accuracy of order (Sure I’m going to tell you that you made a mistake and gave me a Dave’s Double instead of a Single), and “Did You Have To Rush to the Emergency Room Afterward?” Of course, I just think these things. To save time I always check the “Fantastic” bubble or a bubble to that effect. This is both fast food and fast survey as far as I’m concerned.
I also have to rate cleanliness of restaurant (There was a catsup stain on the floor bigger than any blood stain ever found around a murder victim on CSI), portion size of food (Hey, I’m no Clara Peller!), and temperature of food, (When you’re hot, you’re hot, Jerry!). Again, I just say these things under my breath, and sometimes I don’t even think them because it saves time.
Then there’s the screen, “Did you experience any problem during your visit?” There are several choices, but if you hit the “Other” bubble, you can write in, “Yes, I was mugged in the parking lot. Otherwise, I would have purchased the Dave’s Triple.” I think it’s worth the extra time.
There are several more questions of various kinds, among them being the dreaded and previously mentioned, “We Noticed That You Were Satisfied With Your Restaurant Experience. Can You Tell Us Why You Weren’t Highly Satisfied?”
I have several quick answers, but one that I think expresses my feelings best is, “Hey, it’s a hamburger. What more do you expect?”
And then to my surprise, one day I noticed a similar offer on a McDonald’s receipt. “Buy One Get One Free Quarter Pounder W/Cheese Or Egg McMuffin.” Be still my heart! Or at least plaque-free my arteries! I’m going to have to buy a larger freezer!
It seems like the same company that sold Wendy’s their survey also sold McDonald’s theirs. There are many similarities, but a few differences. I go to an old fashioned McDonald’s – you either order at the drive-up window or at the counter – but it seems that some McDonald’s now have all sorts of ways that you can order. McD’s mobile app or the Uber Eats mobile app or in Roswell, the “Beam me down your order, Scotty” app.
Have I been busy ever since! And then guess what happened? The Smith’s Food Store where my wife and I most often shop handed me a receipt that said, “Tell Us How We’re Doing!” By going to www.krogerfeedback.com and completing their survey, I get 50 bonus fuel points. I’m going to need them if I keep going back and forth between Wendy’s and McDonald’s.
I can’t wait for the electric company. “Take our survey. Buy a kilowatt, get a kilowatt free!” That’ll light up my week.