When a younger person – say a store clerk or an employee at the gym or a health care worker – goes to the length of trying to make conversation with an older person such as myself, I suppose I shouldn’t get irritated. But so often I do.
Especially if he or she asks, “Big plans for the weekend?” What a stupid question. If I had big plans for the weekend, I wouldn’t be as old as I am.
One time I gave a fellow this answer. “If I can reach ‘em, I’m going to clip my toenails.” He looked mortified and never asked about my plans again. I’ve always wondered what excuse he would have given had I added, “Want to help?”
Another answer that I like is, “I’m going to binge watch Leave it to Beaver. Wally has a friend, Eddie Haskell, who reminds me a lot of you.” If you are thinking about using this one yourself, let me issue a warning. More younger people than you might imagine know who Eddie Haskell is. And they’re stronger and faster than you.
An answer that surprised me is this one. “If I’m feeling creative enough, this weekend I’m going to plan my funeral.” After I assured the person that my funeral isn’t imminent, at least I hoped not, she became interested in how one plans his/her funeral. She works in a hospital, and no one had ever talked to her about a funeral or memorial service. In the subsequent conversation, I began to feel that I had something in common with this person, and I hate that! What’s the purpose of a generation gap if you feel something in common with the younger generation? You have to be careful formulating your answers.
I have also used, “I think I’ll spend my weekend listening to the dial tone.” Remember, if you’re thinking about using some of these answers as to what your big plans are this weekend, this one only works with employees of stores and doctor’s offices and fitness centers that have land lines. So many younger people don’t know what a dial tone is. But those who do know think it’s really funny. They wish they had more friends who knew what a dial tone is so they could tell them to go listen to it. I like such young people. They’re fun to hang around. I feel that I can help mold their minds.
How about this one? “I’m retired. I don’t have to plan my weekends because I party all week long.” Younger people like it so much that they become my friends forever. A cashier at the grocery store saw me at a movie theater a while back and hollered, “Hey, man! It’s party time!” Then he had to hug me and ask me how I was doing. He even invited my wife and me to his wedding a couple of Saturdays from then. And thus my final word of warning: if you’re not careful making up your answers, the younger generation will include you in their plans for the weekend.