As We Approach Christmas

There’ good news and bad news.

The good news is that Santa has run out of coal to put in the stockings of kids who’ve been bad.  The bad news is that he’s sending ninja elves to rough them up.

The good news is that merchants have expanded the stock of Christmas emojis.  The bad news is that emojis now include icons of fruitcakes, socks, regifting, and the grinch.

The good news is that ouija boards, an excellent Christmas gift, have been updated for technologically savvy persons. The bad news is that you have to figure out your unread messages.

The good news is that Santa Turtle-Claus has already left the North Pole on his rounds!  The bad news is that little turtles have been waiting for him since 1953.

The good news is that Haulmark has expanded its line of Christmas cards. The bad news is that most of them cost more than a giftcard.

The good news is that this year America is setting a record when it comes to letters sent by children to Santa. The bad news is that most have been stolen from mailboxes before they were sent.

The good news is that a fantastic new recipe for eggnog has been discovered by revelers at T.G.I.F. party at a Kentucky distillery.  The bad news is that no one can remember what’s in it.

The good news is that many Americans got a bargain on nativity sets carved from olivewood and shipped from the Holy Land.  The bad news is that the olivewood boar had gotten into them and eaten their fill. All was not lost, however. Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus, the Wise Men, the shepherds, sheep, camels, etc. all looked very holey.

The good news is that kids are going door to door dressed as Mary and Joseph. The bad news is that is that they’re not singing carols. In some sort of holiday confusion, they’re asking for presents.

The good news is that “Terry’s Old-Growth Christmas Tree Lot: U-Cut ‘Em” celebrated 25-years of business this season.  The bad news is that a pickup was destroyed when one of the older trees landed on it.

The good news is that Junior is happy to be home from college this winter break.  The bad news is that Junior is disappointed that no one cleaned his room in his absence.

But then there’s bad news and good news.

The bad news is that so many children nowadays lack social skills, crave approval, and are obsessed with repetitive tasks. The good news is who better to wrap Christmas presents!

The bad news is that there’s no mistletoe at the company party this year. The good news is that there’s no mistletoe at the company party this year.

 

 

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